Girl School for Grownups

Like having a big sister, but better because I can't boss you around!

Five Love Languages

For years my husband and I were lacking synchronicity. I would think of ways to truly say how meaningful he was to me. My words barely registered with him. One time I jokingly said, “The only time you hear it when I say nice things is when I’m touching you!” Turns out I was right.

One of the best things for our relationship was reading “The 5 Love Languages.” It’s worth buying and reading, but here’s the basic premise. There are 5 primary ways we can give and receive love. They are:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of encouragement
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service
  • Gifts


All of these ways of expressing love can be nice, but most people have one or two that they feel more deeply than the others. Turns out my husband’s primary love language is physical touch. So I was right in saying I needed to be touching him for him to hear me! My highest languages are words of encouragement and quality time. So in trying to craft the perfect compliment for Tim, I was speaking my own language, not his.

The authors of the book claim that by the time we’re about 7 years old it’s easy to see which love languages we hear the loudest. So whether it’s your children or your spouse or your friends, try to see if you can figure out what their love language is. Learning to intentionally speak love, in the language of another person, can make all the difference.

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